Conspiracy theorist wanted

By Scott Wilson, December 19, 2008 3:45 pm

I was just getting ready to give up on finding some real, sinister meaning behind last January's suspicious undersea telecommunications cable breaches when all of a sudden, it's all happening again: Bloomberg Europe is reporting today that three cables between Italy and Egypt were damaged somehow in the Mediterranean, cutting some 75% of direct service between Europe and the Middle East and causing traffic to be rerouted throughout the region.

I never saw any convincing explanation for the coincidental failure of three seperate undersea cables within a week earlier this year, although the faults were located and fixed. I suppose there are good reasons even outside of the paranormal that would keep the cable companies from wanting to telegraph their vulnerabilities to the public, but let's set aside reason for a moment. I want to hear a solid, rip-roaring conspiracy theory that explains all this!

I would try to trump something up myself, but I'm no good at that sort of thing. Still, there has to be some sort of grand global conspiracy behind this, and I want to hear something outlandish. Martians, the Earth's core exploding, black helicopters… whatever, just don't give me that tired old "ship anchors" explanation again. Stop me now, or I'm going back to blaming the ninjas.

2 Responses to “Conspiracy theorist wanted”

  1. Markov says:

    These cables weren’t so much cut as they were… strained beyond their breaking strength.
    Of course I refer to giant sea-worm mating season, which takes place twice per year.
    And, as everyone knows the Templar Knights cultivate sea-worms off the coast of Malta to protect the undersea temple of the Holy Grail.
    Nothing to see here…

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